apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
