I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
