Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
