Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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