its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
