get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want a musical about memes.
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