you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
