i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
