guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just puked most of my soul out..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
