Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
