I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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