This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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