I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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