Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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