And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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