i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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