i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
