you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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