no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
