my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
