i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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