She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
