that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
