I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
