nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
