it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
