check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
