if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
