I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
