oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
