Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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