I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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