He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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