I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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