I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
