Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
