Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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