I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
