I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
