all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't turn off my feet"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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