after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
