Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
