You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no you cant smoke seaweed
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
