You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
