I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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