I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
