how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
