Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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