best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
