yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
