Someone shit on the floor
Moan for me like Helen Keller
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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