At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
