Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
