if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
