Please, let me fuck your mom
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
