True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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