The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
