She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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