The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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