I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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