If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The power of my boobs compel you
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
