There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
