I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
