Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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