I hate all girls vehemently.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
