It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
