I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
